Grasping for Confidence

From an American, individualistic set of ideals, self-confidence, self-preservation, and self-made success all rank up there as some of our top priorities as a culture. Self-help books are named the world's most popular genre and a $1 billion industry, according to an author from Publishing Perspectives (publishingperspectives.com). We all want to be confident individuals, and we are turning to self-help books to get there. We're grasping at straws to be made into something more; we want more confidence and less doubt. If we can't reach this place as a reality, we at least want the appearance of it. 

This morning I read the Jesus Calling devotional by Sarah Young. She writes, "True confidence comes from knowing you are complete in [God's] presence"(313). This kind of formulaic sentence is easy to understand in determining where we can actually find TRUE confidence, not merely the appearance of it. We all want this true confidence, but how do we get it? It comes from the knowledge (understanding and believing) that my wholeness comes from God alone; there is nothing else that can satisfy that desire. We're not "partially complete" in Christ. He's not "barely enough" or just a "temporary" fulfillment. It's simple really... resting in the presence of God leads to confidence and trying to rest in my own abilities leads to frustration and failure. 

In John 15:5, Jesus describes Himself as the "Vine" and humans as the "branches"; apart from Him we can do nothing. I can not muster up confidence or create it on my own, no matter how many self-help books I read. I'm sure you can find great principles in these books, but they only reveal a surface-level confidence and peace. Nothing else satisfies fully, except the presence of God.

*The secret to confidence is dependence...*

Contradictory to many media messages, cultural norms, and societal pressures... AND our own sin nature, which all tell us to only focus on ourselves, true confidence comes from knowing Christ and surrendering the burden of perfection to Him. We no longer live under the requirements of the law, which lead to fear and condemnation. God is love and His perfect love drives out the fear that has to do with punishment (1 John 4:18).

In the same Jesus Calling devotional, Sarah Young refers to this as the "road less traveled". Jesus refers to this as the narrow gate that leads to life and only few will find (Matthew 7:13-14). Continual dependence on Christ is not normal; while it's simple, it's not easy.

*The secret to confidence is dependence... and depending on the RIGHT thing*

Searching for confidence in myself results in frustration, exhaustion, and failure. I can never find it, even though my heart is often tempted to look there. This results in feeling inadequate, which is never fun, but so very true. I am inadequate on my own. I'm incapable of meeting my own spiritual needs or the needs of others. This points to my absolute need of a Savior; I need to be saved from my own self. The more often I remember this truth of my heart's condition, the more I will remember the futility of searching within myself or around myself, and learn to only look UP at the One who truly satisfies. 

Depending on God means walking in step with the Holy Spirit in each moment, rather than my flesh or selfishness. Galatians 5 and Romans 8 outline what it means to live by the flesh and to live by the Spirit. They are contradictory to each other in every way.

Evidence of Walking in the Spirit:

• No condemnation
• Freedom from sin & death
• Desires spiritual things
• Life & peace through the righteousness of Christ
• Not living by fear
• Serving one another in love
• Not under the law; under GRACE
• love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control

Evidence of Walking in the Flesh:

• "Burdened by a yoke of slavery"
• Law-filled
• Alienated from Christ
• Indulgent in sinful desires
• Desires are contrary to the Spirit
• Sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery, idolatry and witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness and orgies
• Will not inherit the Kingdom of God
• Conceited
• Provoking & envying one another
• Spiritual death
• Does not submit to God's law & cannot please God

 God, help me remember to seek YOU and not outside sources for peace and confidence. You give me life. You provide what I need. My confidence is found in the knowledge that I truly am complete in YOU. Relying on myself will result in failure every time, but dependence on you makes me confident. You are the Rock on which I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. 

Cornerstone -- Hillsong (Watch Music Video)

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name

Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Saviour's love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all

When Darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale

My anchor holds within the veil
My anchor holds within the veil

Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Saviour's love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all
He is Lord
Lord of all

Christ alone
Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Saviour's love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all

Christ alone; cornerstone
Weak made strong; in the Saviour's love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless stand before the throne.

Things I love about Russia

1. RUDN has a pool of turtles in the middle of the main building on campus. Do YOU get to eat lunch next to a random pool of twenty turtles?!

2. We've already had snow and it's not even the end of October yet. Snow makes me think of winter. Winter makes me think of Christmas. Basically, this is heaven.

3. Beautiful architecture everywhere. I'm always curious of what I'll see when I come up from the Metro at a new stop.

4. The Metro... every city needs one. It goes everywhere! Why would I ever drive again?

5. We've made more dinner concoctions with variations of meat, potatoes, and vegetables than I can remember... but it's delicious every time. Also, I love most all of the Russian food I've tried!

6. Learning a new language is fun... but I always seem to forget everything I've learned when I'm actually around Russians. Funny how that works.

7. I've made two barista friends at my little coffee shop on the corner, Anderson's. Their names are Katya and Dasha and today as I paid my bill, Dasha said "Have a good day! And come back more often!" I really like them. 

8. I also made a friend at the grocery store and now I always choose her lane. Mostly we just laugh at each other's attempt at communication. I think we're getting hand motions down to an art, though. She gets me. I don't even know how to pronounce her name.

9. I really am not joking when I say everything is an adventure... I'm starting to compile a list of things that I want to do, but know that they will require an adventurous spirit and a lot of hours of free time. For example, I'd like to get a haircut at some point and I'd also like to find some black boots. Tomorrow I'm conquering the craft store at a new metro stop. I've learned that there's no appropriate time to say "Oh I'll just run to the store and pick something up" or "I will just stop by Target on my way home from work." Those phrases no longer exist... because everything is an adventure. 

10. Immediate friends - Russians AND Americans. I'm so thankful for the community I have here!

A Moscow Weekend

This weekend was a full one with everything from an American football party (Texas vs. Oklahoma) and The Moscow International Festival: Circle of Light, to homemade cheeseburgers that were so delicious we all took out our phones to snap a picture and commemorate the moment. (I think they were way better than our Shake Shack burgers.... but Shake Shack still wins, because PEANUT BUTTER MILKSHAKES. No competition.)

On Saturday morning, Meghan, Jessi, Jessareh, and I went to an English class at RUDN. We already met four of the fifteen students a couple weeks ago. They told their professor that they met some American students and he told them to invite us to class! So we went, not knowing if we'd be sitting in the back of a large lecture hall, or giving a speech, or teaching grammar; it was just an opportunity we couldn't refuse! The class mostly consisted of students asking us questions about our Universities and life in America, then translating back to their professor. This was the "practicing English" part. We got to share why we came to Russia and about working with New Life ("Cru" in Russia). I talked to the Professor a bit afterwards and he invited us to church! It would be GREAT to get connected with a Christian Professor at RUDN to help with networking at the University. We also had several students sign up for info about English Club, which starts next week!  

Then we made cheeseburgers and fries for lunch, which felt a little bit like heaven. 

That night our friends from Texas and Oklahoma invited us over to watch the game. It was just an all-American kind of day - English class, cheeseburgers & fries, and football. :)

...Until that night when we met up with Diana and Anna, two students from RUDN, and went to the Moscow light festival near Red Square. This was THE COOLEST thing we've done in Moscow yet! It was so fun and VERY well done!

Jessareh, Diana, and Meghan on the Metro

Even if you don't have a Facebook account, you can view a short video clip of the light show at the Bolshoi Theater here: Moscow Light Show

We had a church picnic yesterday at Moscow Bible Church. It's been GREAT to connect with a local church and have a place to invite students. We're really excited to be a part of this church! 

The rest of my team went out to a different part of the light show after church, but I decided to go home. According to my friend Emily, my inability to participate in two late nights out in a row mostly points to my age... they're just not even the slightest bit appealing. I'd say it's more my introvertedness and complete contentment with staying home in yoga pants, making popcorn, and reading a good book. Either way, next to the light show, it was definitely a close second in the "Best Nights in Moscow" category. ;-) Without even planning any of them, I ended up skyping with THREE close friends - from Virginia, Idaho, and Oregon. It was such a blessing to connect with them! (I think skype is a great alternative to social outings for introverts...)

I felt so rested and "filled up" by the end of the weekend. I'm thankful that God knows the best way to meet ALL of our needs - physical, financial, emotional, spiritual, etc. He knows every facet of my being and meets me where I'm at, in every moment. More often than not, I just don't know what I need. But God is sovereign, and in my ignorance, He's faithful to provide. I have so much to be grateful for!

St. Basil's Cathedral at night!
I feel like a Russian with my big, black scarf.

Loved Infinitely

"Your need for [God] is as constant as the outflow of [His] love to you." 

- Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; 

I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." - Jeremiah 31:3

"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. 

In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling." - Exodus 15:13

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Glimpsing the reality of God's love is the ultimate source of confidence. 

His love is secure and steadfast. I don't have to work hard for approval, because it's already given freely.  I don't have to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself (Matthew 6:34) and He holds my future in His hands. I want to be a woman of noble character, clothed with strength and dignity; one who can laugh at the days to come (Proverbs 31:25) because my confidence is completely found in Christ.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame [or disappoint us], because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5

You are my hope, God. My future is in Your hands. 

You are my love, I need fulfillment from no other man. 

You are my joy, no matter what lies ahead. 

You are my peace, in the midst of things I just don't understand.