This theme of "waiting" has been a recurring theme over the last several months. I wrote about it here in February, and realized yesterday that I'm back in a similar holding pattern. I want to figure it all out, but all I can do is wait. I would rather just jump three months ahead, but that's not an option. So here I am, waiting, again.
I sat down in my comfy chair with my journal and a massive bowl of popcorn (comfort food) about an hour ago, trying to get to the bottom of what I'm so anxious about. I assumed that money was the real problem, or rather, a lack of it. There are a lot of big things I want/need pay for this summer, and I'm pretty sure they exceed my means. So I can budget, decipher the wants versus needs, and make decisions... but of course it's much more complicated than that. I'm waiting on information. I need to buy a car, but that's obviously not a fixed price. Etc, etc.
As I was writing and thinking and eating popcorn by the handful, I realized it's not about the money. Sure, that's a practical factor. I can't do things that I can't afford. But everything that's on the table I want badly enough to pay for it if the money is there. The real tension lies in knowing that there are so many things up in the air and I just want it all to be settled.
It's the unknown that really terrifies me.
With the many upcoming changes looming (and feeling closer every day), I'm learning a lot about peace in chaos and trusting the Lord with all of the things outside my control (most things). Here are a few reminders of truth for myself, hopefully they will be encouraging to you as well:
I sat down in my comfy chair with my journal and a massive bowl of popcorn (comfort food) about an hour ago, trying to get to the bottom of what I'm so anxious about. I assumed that money was the real problem, or rather, a lack of it. There are a lot of big things I want/need pay for this summer, and I'm pretty sure they exceed my means. So I can budget, decipher the wants versus needs, and make decisions... but of course it's much more complicated than that. I'm waiting on information. I need to buy a car, but that's obviously not a fixed price. Etc, etc.
As I was writing and thinking and eating popcorn by the handful, I realized it's not about the money. Sure, that's a practical factor. I can't do things that I can't afford. But everything that's on the table I want badly enough to pay for it if the money is there. The real tension lies in knowing that there are so many things up in the air and I just want it all to be settled.
It's the unknown that really terrifies me.
With the many upcoming changes looming (and feeling closer every day), I'm learning a lot about peace in chaos and trusting the Lord with all of the things outside my control (most things). Here are a few reminders of truth for myself, hopefully they will be encouraging to you as well:
How can I be settled when everything is very unsettled?
1. It's a choice.
I have two choices: I can succumb to the mess, just plop down in the center of that chaos and refuse to move. This usually appears in the form of either stubbornness or that "deer in the headlights" kind of feeling, creating the sudden inability to move. OR, I can choose to be a person of peace in the midst of that dizzying storm. Life is often messy and storms do come, but peace is possible, if we choose it. This is a deliberate, capture those thoughts and make them obedient to truth, kind of decision. (We must also choose to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit, because peace isn't just mustered up on our own.)
Don't succumb; choose peace.
Don't succumb; choose peace.
2. Choose it often.
Like I said, these situations involving patience have been a recent theme in my life. And I've found myself at every possible point along this roller coaster -- slowly, calmly moving toward the top, full of joy and anticipation, or rushing quickly downward, sure that I will fly out of my seat belt at any moment, or even in a loop or curve where I feel a little scared and don't know which way is up, and just holding on for dear life. I'm sure you can relate. I've had the opportunity over and over and over again to choose peace. I choose to be settled in Christ. When I wake up, I read truth and pray over my day. Throughout my day I remember I have many reasons to be thankful. But when a new little mess appears, I have to choose peace once more. It's a decision I sometimes face multiple times a day.
3. Pursue Peace
Do you actively seek peace in your life - not just in relationships with other people, but in your own heart and mind, too? Or do you exhibit more of a passive "hopefully that peace kicks in soon" kind of attitude? I pursue peace by meditating on truth in God's Word, going for a hike (I have to improvise in Moscow), reading a book for fun, writing in my journal, or drinking coffee with a friend. When I need to choose peace, these are the things I DO, rather than mulling over my stressful thoughts and waiting. We can do things that cultivate peace in our lives.
4. Keep the main thing the main thing.
Sure, I could list off the 4837208 things that are on my mind tempting me to live in constant worry. But none of those things, although important, are what I build the foundation of my life on-- they're not the real main things. They could all crumble and fall away, but because my life is based around Jesus, I can remain confident and full of joy. When I remember that my hope is not in the contents of my bank account or where I live or what other people think of me, I can be content in all things. Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and He is the firm foundation I stand on.
We're reminded often in scripture that God will never leave us, that His plans for our lives are good, that His love endures forever... THIS is the main thing, and that makes me feel settled even in the unsettled.
We're reminded often in scripture that God will never leave us, that His plans for our lives are good, that His love endures forever... THIS is the main thing, and that makes me feel settled even in the unsettled.
All of a sudden the unsettledness of my life seems rather
insignificant when I trust in the God Who created the Universe.
Surely He can calm the chaos of the unknowns and ease my fears.
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
-Edward Mote
