Crunch Time

Sometimes as a student I would wait until the last minute to write a paper or cram for a test (aka skim through my notes and call it good). Either way, I knew that the amount of work I put into these last minute projects would correlate with the grade I earned. A few times I would sneak through with that "I didn't even study for this test!" lucky 'A', but that was rare. Typically, I'd just weight the possible outcomes. If I slack off here, then I'll just work harder over there to make up for it. No big deal.

Living for Jesus is not like the grading system in school. In the end, success is not defined by what I do, but who I serve. It's not about my effort, but dependence. Jesus isn't concerned with my desire or plan to "prove myself" - that's rather laughable because I've got nothing to show for myself.

I wrote "thank you" cards outside on the porch swing last night and watched the stars. The night sky is truly incredible. As I sat there and thought about how I've got no great plan for this week; I don't even know how I'm going to raise the support I need to go to Moscow... I felt so small. But God felt so BIG. 

He created the heavens and Earth and put the stars in their place. God created ME and serving Him this year in Moscow is MY place, therefore, He's got a plan. He knows how it will all work out. It was like He said, "Ha! Kailene, I made the STARS... don't you think I can provide everything you need and MORE?" It was one of those "Oh, duh!" moments that happen far too often. Why do I forget God's great power and sovereignty and fall back into relying on my planning and eloquence?

It has nothing to do with me and has everything to do with Him.

God is so intentional - there is a purpose in HOW and WHEN He chooses to provide!

Please pray that I would keep my eyes fixed on HIM alone and not the stats, numbers, to-do lists, questions, and distractions. (August 1st is my 80% financial deadline and August 12th is my 100% deadline.) Thank you!

Overcoming the "Mid-point Blues"

As of yesterday, I got my "second wind" in the process of raising support. :) I'm so grateful for this renewed motivation and energy!

Thank you for all who have been praying the last couple of weeks. It's been hard! This is a long process filled with all kinds of road blocks and distractions. Even in the midst of that, I'm EXCITED because it's such a great place to see the Lord move powerfully! I'm reaching the end of myself - my abilities, my plans, my control, my ideas - and learning to trust in & rely on Jesus like never before. 

"Before I was born the Lord called me; from my birth he has made mention of my name.

He [God] said to me [Isaiah], 'You are my servant, Israel, 
in whom I will display my splendor.' 

But I said, 'I have labored to no purpose; 
I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing.

Yet what is due me is in the Lord's hand, and my reward is with God.' 

I am honored in the eyes of the Lord and my God has been my strength - 

This is what the Lord says - the Redeemer and Holy One of Israel - to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation, to the servant of rulers: 'Kings will see you and rise up, princes will see and bow down, because of the Lord, who is faithful, the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you.'" - Portions of Isaiah 49

Hillsong United, "Oceans"

Even when Isaiah saw no purpose and felt like he was working for nothing, he still acknowledged God's sovereignty! Then, when he sees the fruit of your labor, it is only because of the Lord, who is faithful! 

Isaiah knows where to direct praise and honor in success and in struggle. 

The things that seem impossible to us have already been accounted for and planned out by our God who is completely faithful. 

Please continue praying for my team and me as we get ready for this next year in Russia. The details are all coming together and I can't wait to see how God provides in the next few weeks! 

Next week, Taylor (my co-leader) and I will be in Colorado for team leader training. We're excited to learn and prepare for whatever God has in store!