Sometimes as a student I would wait until the last minute to write a paper or cram for a test (aka skim through my notes and call it good). Either way, I knew that the amount of work I put into these last minute projects would correlate with the grade I earned. A few times I would sneak through with that "I didn't even study for this test!" lucky 'A', but that was rare. Typically, I'd just weight the possible outcomes. If I slack off here, then I'll just work harder over there to make up for it. No big deal.
Living for Jesus is not like the grading system in school. In the end, success is not defined by what I do, but who I serve. It's not about my effort, but dependence. Jesus isn't concerned with my desire or plan to "prove myself" - that's rather laughable because I've got nothing to show for myself.
I wrote "thank you" cards outside on the porch swing last night and watched the stars. The night sky is truly incredible. As I sat there and thought about how I've got no great plan for this week; I don't even know how I'm going to raise the support I need to go to Moscow... I felt so small. But God felt so BIG.
He created the heavens and Earth and put the stars in their place. God created ME and serving Him this year in Moscow is MY place, therefore, He's got a plan. He knows how it will all work out. It was like He said, "Ha! Kailene, I made the STARS... don't you think I can provide everything you need and MORE?" It was one of those "Oh, duh!" moments that happen far too often. Why do I forget God's great power and sovereignty and fall back into relying on my planning and eloquence?
It has nothing to do with me and has everything to do with Him.
God is so intentional - there is a purpose in HOW and WHEN He chooses to provide!
Please pray that I would keep my eyes fixed on HIM alone and not the stats, numbers, to-do lists, questions, and distractions. (August 1st is my 80% financial deadline and August 12th is my 100% deadline.) Thank you!
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