How does a girl who grew up going to church and learning about the Bible simply *forget* the foundational truths about who God is and my own identity as a follower of Jesus?
In light of how often I forget things like this, I'm so thankful that God is near to my heart and knows just how to speak into my forgetfulness and remind me of His absolute goodness.
Life in Moscow, Russia is such an adventure and I love it! I'm starting to feel more comfortable riding the Metro and getting myself around the city, buying and cooking food, being a student at RUDN, getting to know my team, learning the language, and getting into the groove of a new schedule, ministry, and way of life in a busy city. While every day really does feel exciting and new, there have been many things that have come up as frustrations these first three weeks. I've been missing out on some much needed sleep, while fighting a cold, and trying to meet as many students as possible (which is exhausting for my introverted self!). My team and I have been learning to work together and adjust to a new culture together, which brings along tensions and conflict of it's own.
By the end of this week, I was just done. The lack of sleep and lack of enjoyable coffee (still searching) and broken washing machine (since we've lived here...), broken bathtub (stopper got stuck in drain after washing clothes in the bathtub, since no washer), forgotten student ID card, growing to do list, and fighting off a cold... it had all caught up to me and I felt weary. It was all I could do to make it through our Russian language class without crying when I felt like a kindergartner sounding out words... and then had to repeat it all because I did it wrong. (I did get my first "very good" in class on Friday, though, too -- there were highs AND lows.)
My team has language class until 10:30 and we hadn't planned on starting to go out and meet students until noon. I informed them that I was going to go sit in one of the coffee shops Mike and I discovered the day before to read my Bible and journal and any of them were welcome to join me or not. I just knew that I needed time "away" before we started any more ministry. Jessareh, Meghan and I headed over to the building next door and found an empty booth to settle in.
Sometimes I have no words to write when I open my journal, but on Friday they just flowed out. I'm learning about walking in the power of the Holy Spirit every single moment. When I feel weary I need to ask:
"Am I relying on my own power or the power of the Holy Spirit that lives inside me?"
"Do I believe that I can do ministry and love my team well all in my own flesh? Or do I acknowledge my absolute need for my Savior?"
The night before, after our bathtub broke at 1:30 am, I responded to an email from my coach regarding our team's day with the Lord with "I think I just need a week with the Lord!" It was mostly in humor because of the situation, but it was also indicative of the condition of my heart. I felt spent, but I was also waiting for a long, scheduled time with God to fill me up.
I forgot that not only do I not have to do things on my own, but I am incapable of doing ministry in my own power. I realized the fault in that because as Christians, we have access to the power of the Holy Spirit at any time and He will fill us. We don't have to wait for some special time.
We have direct access to the power of the Holy Spirit, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
"Attune yourself to the voice of the Lord. God is the King of the Universe, and He is totally accessible to me. Nothing can ever separate me from His presence. God, the King of Kings, is my constant companion. You never leave me nor forsake me. The Lord is NEAR." - adapted excerpt from Sarah Young's devotional Jesus Calling
I can be full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control even in the most frustrating and ridiculous of situations. EVEN though they often seem to come in the middle of the night, when I'm at my worst.
I'm so thankful that we serve a High Priest (Jesus) who is able to empathize with our weakness... and we can approach Him with confidence! (Hebrews 4:15-16) And when we arrive at His throne, we find MERCY & GRACE to help us in our time of need.
"So we see that they (the Israelites) were NOT able to enter [into God's rest], because of their unbelief" (Hebrews 3:19). When we walk in the flesh - unbelief, lies, false understanding of God and self - we are unable to enter into God's rest. But choosing TRUTH, attuning myself to the voice of the Lord, and seeking first His Kingdom... that brings such rest and peace. And we have access to that rest every moment, of every day.
Thank you, God, that You designed us to be able to REST in Your presence
- what a sweet gift!
Such a great mediation, Kailene, Thank you for posting it!
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