Delighted in & Fought for

"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness [take great delight in you]; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." Zephaniah 3:17 

What security and peaceful contentment come from knowing I am delighted in and fought for by the God who created me. He is WITH me. He FIGHTS FOR ME as a Mighty Warrior. He DELIGHTS in me. These three Truths about God are not contingent on what I do for Him or how close I think I can inch toward the standard of perfection. They are a part of who God is, separate from who I am. He does those things for me and thinks those things about me regardless of my actions and thoughts. It's not a fair trade; that's what His grace and mercy are all about! Undeserved gifts that are only from Him. In His sovereignty and omniscience He planned for my complete weakness, which He compensates for with His perfect strength. 

Last night at a Bible study with students from RUDN we talked about the transforming process of dying to our old selves (sin) and being resurrected with Christ as a NEW creation (turning away from sin). This is an important truth to understand as a part of deciding to follow Jesus for the first time, but also for choosing to follow Him and walk in truth every single day. 

How often do I fall back into my old self of working hard for love, acceptance, approval, and "good standing" with God? I hate to disappoint. I take on the responsibility of other people's emotions. Instead of resting in the arms of my Heavenly Father, I try to fight in my own strength. I wrestle with feelings of loneliness, all the while God whispers over and over again I am with you; don't be afraid. 

Even if you have been following Jesus for a long time, heaven forbid we lose sight of these foundational truths of our identity in Christ. Paul writes to the Galatians in chapter five, verse one: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." I am a NEW creation! There is freedom in walking with Jesus every day and remembering that HE is with me, HE fights for me, and HE delights in me... and there's nothing I can do to earn that.

"Yet I am always with You;

You hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward You will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And Earth has nothing I desire besides You.

My flesh and my heart may fail, 

but God is the strength of my heart 

and my portion forever."

Psalm 73:23-26

Waiting, Still

To wait means to trust, because in the act of waiting I surrender my desire for control. I willingly lay down my selfishness in wanting everything my way right now. I let go of my picture of the perfect life, and yield to God's direction, even if that path only has half an inch illuminated before me. I move that half an inch with confidence and wait patiently for the next direction from my Heavenly Father. 

Still Waiting

Waiting seems to be somewhat of a theme in my life right now. The other night I grew impatient as my ipad took far too long (over an hour) to connect to the internet at home. I know that wi fi connection is far from a major crisis, but I was irritated. I'm waiting to hear from the Lord for life decisions, I'm waiting on other people, I'm waiting to be done with this 30 day cleanse my roommates and I are doing so I can drink good coffee and eat the treats from America my mom sent... clearly our finicky internet signal was just too much to handle. Jessareh and I sat at the kitchen table working on our homework together and, while not completely serious, I made some remark about the stupid internet taking forever and it finally hit me: "Ohhh, I think I get it. I'm probably supposed to practice patience right now. Clearly, there's something God wants me to learn here." I love those moments. So humbling. While the lack of wi fi is what put me over the edge, and as silly as that sounds, the Lord used it to open my eyes. It's not just about receiving direction for my next life step-- it's about my willingness to trust Him patiently every day, no matter how long it takes. 

Another word for patience is 'long-suffering'... even if the suffering is long, will I choose to trust the goodness of the Lord? David understood this suffering as he sought God in a time of questioning: "My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me! Guide my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you." Psalm 25:15-20

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts'." Isaiah 55:8-9

Waiting Still

Since first hearing from the Lord a couple weeks ago in Spain that I need to simply be okay with waiting for now, I've had moments - or even multiple days in a row! - of truly resting in Him, even in my lack of decision or direction. But one little thought will tick and I fall right into worry and fear and discontentment. Doesn't He know I have a deadline? What if what I hope for doesn't happen -- is my heart even ready for whatever you have, Lord? Maybe I just need more information to put the details together and figure it all out (not always, but definitely CAN be me trying to take things into my own hands before the right time)? I want to know right now; I feel insecure in the 'not knowing' stage (sign of LACK of trust).

What is the posture of my heart while waiting? 
Patient or irritated?
Surrendered or controlling?
Joyful or distraught?
Trusting or fearful?

My desire is to be patient, surrendered, joyful & trusting as I am completely still before the Lord. 

"May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light." Colossians 1:11-12

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

I trust God that as I wait He will strengthen my heart and increase my faith.  

Waiting -- and what I'm learning in the process

There's always something new coming. Sometimes we get a longer "settled" time in between next steps, but the seasons of life are constantly in motion, always anticipating the next thing. Even when it's hard, it's good, because growth comes from change. And change is constant.

Preparation for these next steps always include a series of decisions. 
What will I do? How will I do it? Who do I want to be? 

People often get hung up on the decision making part of change. I've experienced a lot of different seasons of change over the last seven years and I've learned a LOT about myself in these decision making processes. A month ago, I think I felt like I had nearly perfected the process. (Funny, right!)

I sat down in a coffee shop on the Royal Mile in Edinburgh, Scotland with a couple hours available to ask myself a lot of questions, make a few pros/cons lists, and just like that, leave with a decision in place. (Sometimes I crack myself up.) Well, I did leave with somewhat of a decision. It was a "this is what I want to do, but I'm not going to declare it to the world yet" kind of decision. Even still, I felt confident, peaceful, and figured I would just keep moving forward and see what happened. 

Then I left Edinburgh for the Eastern Europe/Russia staff conference, which was ALL ABOUT VISION, and immediately thought, how could I ever leave this place. CLEARLY, God is moving. My heart was so motivated by hearing all the stories of students grasping hold of the vision of seeing every student on their campuses have the opportunity to hear about the hope they have in Jesus. And I couldn't help but think, at the next conference, there will be a student telling a story about how God changed OUR campus. I want to be a part of that!

All of one week after my methodical decision making system, I suddenly felt like I took ten steps backward. I started to question my motives, which are often buried so far beneath the surface it takes some work (and prayer) to dig them up. 

After the staff conference, I went to Spain for the STINT conference. I spent a morning with God sitting under a palm tree next to the Mediterranean sea -- a pretty ideal setting! My plan was to bring all of my new questions and concerns to the Lord and... just try to listen really, really hard. :)

I read through Psalms 103-108 and soaked up all of the reminders of the Lord's steadfastness and faithfulness. After that, I just felt peace in waiting. Just wait, no other clear directions. At the right time, you will know what to do. It will be clear when and how to decide. Be excited to watch the Lord's plan unfold. This is a part of the adventure -- expect GREAT things!

I think sometimes waiting is the most holy thing you can do. It's how you react in not having all the answers that makes the difference. Sometimes when I don't have all the answers I'm tempted to just make them up and blaze my own trail. But in the waiting seasons I get to learn about surrender and trust. 

I will praise you while I wait, Lord. I pray that the whole of my life brings You glory in each season. When I know only a little and when I know much more, help me to honor You. Give me confidence in the waiting. Make my uncertainty completely certain because I am not waiting on one who is unstable, weak, or indifferent.

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take 

courage; wait for the Lord! - Psalm 27:14

Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God 

of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. - Psalm 25:15

Hiking in Edinburgh, Scotland