Peace in Letting Go

In several different ways, I'm learning to let go of my "best" for something immeasurably and incomprehensibly better. Better than my best. We don't even think it's possible for there to be anything better then the best, until we see God in action. As His plan unfolds before my eyes my excitement continues to grow and my eyes widen in wonder... I could have never seen this one coming! Oh, but He knew all along. And He planned for it. And He prepared me for it, whether I knew it or not. Every day, each task, is training ground for what comes next. Whether it's learning to rest in His presence, enjoy the blessings of life, trust Him in all things, love our neighbors, walk in integrity, choose to be full of joy, etc.

Even in the mundane. A day like today, where I have specific time set aside to pursue Jesus and my own spiritual growth. But here I sit in a coffee shop with a really bad cup of coffee and continue to grow frustrated because I can't think of what to write. Or I can think of too much to write and there's just no room - or words - for all of it. (Meaning, you might need to just bear with me in this "all over the place" kind of post.) But what do I do with that mundane-ness of today? Is this a waste? No. It's a small way that I can choose to let go of my expectations of the ideal day and remember that what God has for me today is much greater than whatever I conjure up on my own. He has the foresight to see what I really need. 

This morning I kept praying: Lord, what do you want me to focus on? What do you want me to learn? 

Let it be. I don't need to manipulate my life to make it look the way I think it should, because God always trumps my best. His reality exceeds my expectations, every single time. Even when I think "well, that was just ok" or "that wasn't what I had in mind", all it takes is quieting my own thoughts, turning toward truth, and I can see that God had everything under control the whole time and there is PURPOSE. He does not turn away from those who seek Him (Psalm 9:10; Matthew 7:7-8; Hosea 6:3). When we ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit, the result is an abundance of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). When we pray for wisdom, we must believe we will receive it (James 1:5-6). I can't be enough on my own. I can't be the best on my own. But I can just let it be what it is and trust that when I turn toward Jesus, He's already got a plan and in His faithfulness, He provides what I need.

How often do we go into a season of life (or even a portion of the day) with set expectations and end up disappointed when those things fall to pieces? It's not bad to have expectations, by any means, it's more about what we do with those expectations and how we respond when the results aren't what we hoped for. People fall all across the spectrum when it comes to this. Personally, I tend to land on the "please don't change my comfortable routine" end of the spectrum and have to pray for a load of flexibility and patience constantly. If I didn't have Jesus in my life I think I would fall apart whenever change approached. But I do have Jesus in my life and I've learned so much of my desperate need to rely on Him, place my trust in Him completely, and find my identity solely in Him. Jesus is my source of strength and He is the One whose plan I want to be in the middle of… not my own. Or the plan of the people around me. 

It's almost comical (probably just for me) to look back over the last several years and acknowledge the constant change in my life, despite my innate nature to run and hide. Also to acknowledge that this is far from what I thought my life would look like. Essentially nothing that has happened since high school was in my original plan for my life -- THANK THE GOOD LORD! Everything from my major in college (initially psychology) and where I went to college to even the country I currently live in, have all changed. And I'm so thankful for that, because it's another reminder to let go of what I thought was best and rest in the arms of my Heavenly Father who's definition of best isn't even in the same dictionary as mine. Why do we keep turning back to what is SECOND best when God's best is the only thing that truly satisfies? 

Today I'm reminded that when I am restless and discontent, I need to let go of my own expectations and wait on the Lord. My life, and this day, don't have to look the way that I think they should. In fact, from my own experience, I don't even WANT them to look like that. I want what Jesus wants. Therefore, I will live each moment surrendered to Him. I know that contentment and peace come from letting go of my expectations (and fears, plans, ideas of perfection, and other idols in my life) and enjoying the new and exciting unexpected adventures that come. 

"I'm restless until I rest in You." - Audrey Assad.

I'm just overwhelmed today that Jesus knows my heart so intimately. I'm overwhelmed by the ways that He is using me in Russia and how He is teaching me to walk closely with Him in Truth. I'm overwhelmed by the extraordinary blessing of the people He's put in my life. My heart is so full.